I Was Forged In Fire

Hi loves,

Recently I have been reminiscing a lot about my life 10 years ago and marveling at how much have changed.

Back then I was working the 9 to 5 (sometimes 9 to 10) and was miserable in my job. There was a lot of suffering and I felt utterly frustrated because I knew that I didn't want to do what I was doing... Yet I didn't know what I was supposed to pivot my career into. I tried so hard to get out from where I was, applying for jobs in various other places but I would never get an offer. 

On top of that, I would see individuals around me getting opportunities and being able to freely travel. Siap kena sponsor lagi. Whereas I was financially unable to do so, barely surviving on my salary with a toddler to raise and support. 

I often wondered, "Did God forget about me while She was dishing out blessings?" and "Is She punishing me for my mistakes? Are my sins so big that God despises me so much?".  As you can probably tell, it was a very dark period of my life. I was broke and I was broken. At one point, I even wished that I ceased to exist. 

Fast forward to today I am my own boss, I call the shots, have a flexible work schedule and able to work pretty much anywhere I please. To top it all off, I know I am serving from my heart, utilizing my strengths helping others and getting paid my worth. Essentially, I am living the dream of my 26 year old self. Yet, I have never worked harder in my whole life.

Looking back at that challenging period of my life, I have come to realize that all that suffering was not punishment from God. Neither was God getting kicks from my misery. She was building in me the deep desire for a better life. One that would be so strong that it would continue to burn within regardless of my external circumstances.

She was giving me challenges so that when I am in a better place in life, I would have gratitude and never take it for granted. In short, She was actually forging me in fire to strengthen and shape me into who I needed to be so I can receive the life I desperately wanted.

Photo by Jonny Gios on Unsplash

That time period taught me to put my head down and keep moving forward even when I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. It was a necessary process for me because to be honest, my 26 year old self was ill equipped for this lifestyle. Back then I was the opposite of resilient. I had no grit and had the tendency to run away or abandon something when the going gets tough.

When I was dreaming of this life exactly 10 years ago, I thought that it would be easy. That I could sleep and wake up at any time that I wanted (super important to me as I hated waking up early back then), do what I loved (whatever that is - since I didn't know what it was I wanted to do at the time), etc. and get paid well.

I had absolutely no idea of the amount of time, energy, dedication, courage as well as determination it takes to create AND maintain this career. Had I been given the blessing to have this career back then at 26, I would not have been able to lift it off the ground, let alone sustain it.

So if you are not yet living the life you want to live, and you're feeling lost as well as miserable where you are right now, know that whatever you are going through today is a stepping stone for you to get closer to your dream life. The challenges are not happening to you to break you and keep you broken. It is there so that you could deconstruct who you are, rebuild and evolve so that you would be able to live your authentic best life.

I know it is hard but please hang in there. Ask God/The Universe/The Most High to guide you AND give you the courage you need to follow Her lead. With that said, may your season of hot forging come to an end. I sincerely pray that the blessings you deserve come sooner and better than you ever imagined. Amen!

Much love,

Anette